October 21, 2016

What if the roses STINK? - The Single Girl Diaries

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I believe the girls in my house have an unspoken affinity for dead flowers. On almost any day that you walk into our apartment, you will find flowers - dead. They are on the kitchen counter, by the tv, sitting on dressers and nightstands, and taking up most of the old tomato sauce jars we use for cups {:poor college students, remember:}. Being the super-sweet, caring, servant-minded housemate I am, I refuse to throw out the dead flowers that were not mine to begin with. I just put up with the disgusting oder that hits you in the nostrils each time you walk past believing that the one who actually received the flowers will one day soon throw them away. 

I have learned that flowers do not always smell lovely.

That is kind of how I feel about being almost 30 and still living the "single dream". I find it almost comical {:as in the comical that if you do not laugh you will cry an ocean of tears that even Justin Timberlake cannot make sound glamorous in a sad song:} when people who are married and dating, while curled up next to their love, text you things like: "it will happen in God's perfect timing," "he's coming and he's going to be amazing," "enjoy the season you are in - stop and smell the roses."

To that I would like to say...I have stopped to smell the roses in the "garden of singleness" for quite a few years now and I have got to tell you...at almost 30 THEY STINK! They smell just as putrid as the dead roses that have been sitting next to my tv for the past week.

I was sitting at lunch a week or so ago with a friend and her mom. My friend is in her early thirties and also single. We got to chatting about our singleness and how it is genuinely our "burden" in this season. Our talk got me thinking about how society treats people who are single in their late 20s and 30s. People don't know how to deal with it, or have answers to it, so they just try to put a band aid over it. It gets passed off as something like an annoying paper-cut - not that big of a deal, just annoying.

People would never dream of poking fun at a woman who is struggling with infertility, anxiety, chronic illness or anything of the like. We give them a sympathetic listening ear, squeezes when we notice that they are about to loose it in public, and love notes on the windshield of their car just to tell them that even though we don't understand we love them. Yet, when a woman is single we make jokes about their singleness: "third wheel again huh?," "you're just too picky," "enjoy the season". Would we ever tell someone dealing with depression to just "enjoy the season"? It's easy for people who are married and in amazing relationships to argue that these situations I mentioned above don't compare with loneliness and singleness. To that I would argue, that's because you aren't experiencing it. You aren't experiencing the emotional pain and weight this "gift of singleness" is when your absolute deepest desire is to be married {:not just have a wedding:}.

I guess my point is this...if you are single and you are struggling, you are justified in your struggle. Doing this journey alone while you watch all of your friends fall in love, get engaged, pick out their wedding dress, have babies, and build their families dream home - sucks. You are not crazy for not having the energy to constantly be around the couples in your world and "pull yourself up by your boot straps" and get your happy-clappy on for them. You are not wrong to have a sadness and loneliness in your heart that even Jesus cannot fill {:this is a topic for a whole 'nother post:}.  

If you are the girlfriend of a single lady who is not longer 24 and living the single girls dream, do her a favor and stop treating her like this singleness thing is "not that big of a deal". It doesn't help us when you tell us that you long for the days when you could just go out shopping on your own without discussing the budget with your husband or try on clothes without your toddler crawling under the dressing room door. Instead, maybe you could acknowledge that you actually have no idea how difficult this journey she is on is. Justify her in her pain. Acknowledge that this struggle is more than just a petty feeling. Any maybe you could agree that sometimes the roses just stink.

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September 14, 2016

Bali Part III

Guess what I did, friend? I left you with a cliffhanger in my Bali Part II post {:there is also Part I if you missed it:} and have been so busy lately that I haven't finished my scuba diving story.

Remember how I told you this was the only scuba diving picture I have...well, that would be because about 5 minutes after this picture was snapped I hopped my not-so-brave-wetsuit-clad-tooshie back in the boat. 

Why you ask? You see I was not panicking at all about this little endeavor. I was actually really excited. I was even calming down my friend to the right of me in this picture explaining just how fine we would be. 

Then, one-by-one the instructors let the air out of our life vest and sunk us to the ocean floor. I was the last to go. 

During the very brief training our guide told us how important it was to clear our ears once we were on the bottom. "No problem" I thought. Well....BIG PROBLEM people! I got down there, the instructor grabbed my nose to signal for me to clear my ears and nothing happened. I did it again. Still noting. The pressure was making my head hurt and I got light headed. The instructor was just starring at me as if waiting for me to have a full on conversation of what was happening a good 15 feet under water. UM HELLO - we cannot communicate we are under water, mister - re mem ber! 

I am freaking out, about to pass out, and I can not communicate. So I signaled to my friendly guide that I wanted to go back up. I reached the surface. Finally, I was able to communicate with him again and tell him what was going on. In his very broken English he said something to the effect of "okay and you want to go down" to which my answer was a strong and convicted NO! So I got myself back in the boat and watched all the pretty fishies from the boat. 

After hearing about how amazing the experience was, I was pretty bummed I didn't go. But, the sadness didn't last long when we arrived here only about an hour later.

Helllllo Luxury...

Welcome to Potato Head. This places was insane. It was an outdoor bar with cheap drinks, yummy food, good live music, and views to die for! The infinity pool overlooked the ocean and we stayed to watch the sunset...from the pool.

I definitely felt like I was living the dream that night. None of us actually wanted to leave.

The next day it poured rain all day. But we still had a blast spending a relaxed day reading in our open living room to the sound of rain and playing Monopoly Go. The rain didn't dampen the mood for a minute. It probably helped that I had a 90 minute massage that day for $10 too. 

After dinner the rain stopped so we decided to load up on our scooters and go to see the Uluwatu Temple. The sky was cloudy, but even with the clouds the views were stunning.

 Because we were going to a temple we had to cover our legs - even the boys. So this was a picture of the guys "modeling" their fabulous temple attire while still asserting their masculinity. I think they nailed it!

The last day we packed up, said our goodbyes to the amazing staff at the house and spent the last day cruising and exploring different restaurants, views, and the biggest, most amazing grocery store I've ever seen.

I have had some amazing vacations in my life, and I live in Australia for Pete's sake, but this trip will go down in the history books as one of the most memorable, relaxing, and fun vacations I've ever gone on. How often in life do you get to go on vacation with 11 of your friends? Take me back!

What's your best vacation sport to date?
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