July 15, 2013

Giiiiirl, Your Marriage Material

Has anyone ever said this to you? When people say this to me I never know whether my instinct will be to smile or judo chop them in the neck. I mean lets face it, what they are pretty much saying is: "on the outside you look like an awesome catch so what kind of cray cray are you hiding in there that keeps the boys away?"

Ok, maybe that isn't really what they are saying, but thats normally how I take it. Why is it that people always seem to ask you these questions as you are sitting dateless at the 6th wedding of the year? As if you weren't aware enough of your singleness! HELLO! I have also heard this too "Amber, you're next." Yup, thanks. I better be because there seems to be no one else within a 100 mile radius that is still single. OR I also just love to hear: "When is it going to be your turn?" Let's just rub salt in the wound already. I normally want to give people a smart sarcastic answer but usually end up going with a cheesy "from your mouth to Gods ears" answer followed by a fake and awkward giggle.

So the "marriage material" comment isn't the greatest but there are some standards that us christian single women should hold on to as we try and navigate this whole singleness thing.

1~ Keep your focus on God. It seems obvious but Ill be the first to admit that when I am in a relationship it is so easy to get swept up in the whirlwind and spend time with God only while your thanking him for this guy and the new relationship. Or maybe it's not a relationship at all thats pulling you away from God, its the lack of one. I've been in that place too. The place where your faith is so depleted that you will ever find your future husband that you feel like God has forgotten about you while giving everyone else around you their happily ever after. {:Truth be told, I am probably typing from this place so trust me I'm talking to myself:} But know that when your faithless God is still faithful because He cannot abandon His faithfulness because it is who He is. {:2 Timothy 2:13:}

2 ~ Keep your heels high and your standards higher. We all probably have been the girl who falls over herself for a guy. Let's just be honest it's not attractive. You are the girl. You are meant to be per sued not to do the per suing. I have learned {:sometimes in the creepiest unattractive way:} that if a guy is interested he will per-sue you. It's like that rule on He's Just Not that into You: If he wants to date you he'll date you {:or something like that:}. That means no asking for guys numbers {:you are allowed to give yours away with discretion:}, no asking guys out on dates, and let's be honest if you have to pay or drive on your first date…don't pass go, do not collect $200 dollars, RUN FOR THE HILLS.  You are looking for someone to spend the rest of your life with, you are allowed to be picky and you should be! And one last point on this {:hopefully this will save someone some heartache:}: Just because he is amazing, doesn't mean he is your Mr. Amazing - use discretion, find someone who compliments you not just looks good on paper.

3 ~ Know your non negotiables and negotiables. I have a card that I keep in my bedroom and on the left hand side of the card I wrote out qualities that are non negotiables for my future husband. The list isn't extensive but it includes things like a spiritual leader, a servant of the House, etc. Then on the right hand side of the card I wrote the negotiables - qualities I would like my husband to posses, but missing one on the list doesn't make him a deal breaker….like being an Alabama football fan. It is ideal but not 100% necessary {:I am totally kidding about that one, it really isn't on my list:} A lot of people have these lists but never write it down. I think writing these things down makes it harder to compromise because when the list is written out it can't be deleted and the lines can't be blurred the way they can when you make a mental list.

4 ~ Make sure you are a woman worth waiting for. We covered how you should wait for the right man, but we have to ask ourselves the question "are we worth waiting for?" Is the guy you wrote down on paper going to give you a second glance or are there some things you need to get straight first. Do you need a husband? If you need a husband, you are not ready for one. Moving on. Are you walking in your calling? Don't wait for prince charming to show up before you decide to chase after the things God has placed on your heart. Your Mr. Right is on the path God has created for you to walk on, if you aren't on that path you might miss him. How are your finances? Now I have never been married but I am told that finances can be a huge burden on a relationship. So during this single season do everything possible to get out of debt and be an asset financially to your future marriage and not a detriment. There are a lot more questions you need to ask yourself but I'll save those for another post.

So the next time you get the "marriage material" comment, before {:or after:} you visualize yourself punching the person in the face, try to let it be a reminder to check yourself and make sure you truly are  all these things.

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  1. Love this post! I hated those comments when I was single, and I have made it a point to NEVER say those things to someone :). Who knows what God's plan is for their lives...I will not speak something over them that may not come true! Great advice for the single ladies, and a reminder to the married ones to never stop growing and being that person your partner needs.

    1. Well on behalf of every single girl who has ever been told these things THANK YOU!


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