July 30, 2013

The Single Girl Diaries - Breakup Warrior

Ok, let me first clarify that I am not the how-to girl for breaking up. Breakup goddess is certainly not my name, breakup warrior seems to fit better simply because I seem to have traveled this road a few times. Honestly, 90% of those times was because of my own stupidity lack of wisdom. So in a slight effort to help someone else who may be finding themselves at the bottom of their third pint of Ben and Jerry's while watching their 5th Nicholas Sparks movie I have some honest truths. When going through a breakup you need someone who is going to love you enough to be honest with you. So therefore this post isn't just for the single ladies but for everyone, because we all know someone or will know someone who ends up in splitsville {:population: one sleepless, puffy eyed, unshowered mess:}

There is a silver lining. No matter how great, how amazing, how smoking hot he was, you future husband is going to be all that and a bag of chips. One of my wise friends once told me that even in the saddest moments of breaking up she always thought  the coolest thing was that everything she loved about "that guy" was going to be in her future husband. And not just that, but because this great guy wasn't the one, she knew her future husband was going to be MORE than the guy she was currently heartbroken over. Now that is the wisdom of one strong chick in the midst of heartbreak. {:She could appropriately wear the sash bearing the name:Breakup Goddess:}
Just because you trust God doesn't mean you won't experience heart ache. I've learned that people put a ridiculous amount of pressure on Christian couples who are dating. It is like the second you are Facebook official you better start planning your wedding. Certainly not a good idea, but true. Just because you are dating someone and broke up with them does not mean you were outside the will of God when dating them! Maybe, just maybe, God needed you in that relationship to grow one another, to show you areas you personally need growth in, or to teach you something that only that relationship could teach you. So if you were in one of those relationships, stop beating yourself up and start looking for ways you can grow inspite of it. Turn your breakup into a breakthrough. 
Loving Jesus isn't enough. Before you get your religious panties in a bunch, hear me out. Dating solid Christian men does limit the dating pool of decent men from a football field to an ant hill, but it still doesn't mean you can compromise the rest of the qualities you need in a mate. A man who loves Jesus is an absolute must, but you cannot marry a man who loves Jesus but you are completely unattracted to.  There will be someone who has the whole package so stop reliving your ex, he was clearly missing something, or at least your relationship was, or you would still be together. It's natural to reminisce about the good and forget the bad, but remember you are one smoking hot, with- it chick and any guy who dumped you is already not good enough for you. {:Tattoo those words on you if need be:} Moving on.
If the relationship was really that good you would still be in it. Whether you ended it or he did doesn't really matter. It's called a breakup because it's broken {:this is actually the title of a book which I HIGHLY recommend:}. I am the queen of excuses, trust me, but its time you and I accept the reality that it wasn't quite as good as we romanticize it in our heads or else we wouldn't be single at the moment. Resist the urge to try and "fix" your relationship in your head. Most of the time you will never actually get to play out the "fixed" version of your relationship in real life and if you do…it probably won't end up the way you wanted it to anyone. I've been on the second half of that and I'm hear to say that trying to fix it the first time wasn't a good idea….trying to fix it the 5th time had heartbreak written all over it. Two good people don't always equal a good relationship. It's a painful realization, but a necessary one.
Stop putting off or trying to mask the pain. Heartbreak, in my opinion, is by far the worst feelings/emotions I have ever experienced. That gut wrenching pit in your stomach and the overwhelming sadness in your heart is unbearable. Just the thought makes my stomach do summersaults. The thing about heartbreak is that it doesn't go away until you deal with it head on. You can either take it on in one lump sum or you can pay it through installments with interest. I've done both, but I HIGHLY recommend the first over the second. Although it's terribly hard, it's better to face the pain and sadness head-on.  If you need to hit absolute bottom, so what, do it so you can get back on with your life. {:I actually look back on those moments in the lowest places and see how God molded and grew me the most:} Gradually dragging  the pain out, never hitting rock bottom, and never letting yourself separate emotionally from the guy only postpones the day of when you are actually ready to be with someone else.
I know that I have a call on my life and it is going to take a man who is more than just ordinary or a "good guy" to walk out that calling with me. That is my single girl motto so feel free to borrow it and claim it as your own. 
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  1. I just love these post! They are so perfect and all of them have been things I needed to hear recently :) Keep them coming!

    1. Oh yay! That's awesome. Your comment just made my week! For serious

  2. Great advice! Your friend is definitly wise in saying her future husband would have all of those things plus more. When I met my husband, and we started to get to know each other, I was blown away by how faithful God was to me in HIS provision. He really does know WHAT we need and WHEN we need it. We just have to be faithful in waiting. Keep these posts up! They are great and give wonderful advice!

  3. Hey! I love this post and it's just what I needed to hear! I followed via bloglovin' from the wildcard wednesday! I'm new to blogger :)


  4. this was an awesome post! you go girl -- i am also the "victim" (not sure what the right word is?) of multiple break ups. i get stronger every time, but it's never easy. i read something recently "if you treat yourself like a queen, your king will find you" .. even though it's silly, i think it is true. we shouldn't settle or try to fix something that is "broken" .. just try to be the best person we can be and the right man will walk into our life eventually :)


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