August 5, 2013

Defining Confidence

You may have seen in Saturday's post, that I attended Wave Conference last week. During the conference there were different electives you could choose from and I chose the "Define" elective for young adults. 
The first day their young adult's pastor, Joe Riddle, spoke on confidence and I loved it,  so naturally  I wanted to share with you lovelies. 
Confidence is something that I have always struggled with and I am sure I am not the only one. But Joe's teaching during this session really challenged the way I CHOOSE to think about myself. {:Yes, I think confidence is a choice before it is a internalized norm:}
Being a confident person means 3 things : you know yourself, you like yourself, and you are yourself.
Knowing Yourself

I've noticed that knowing yourself has absolutely nothing to do with your age. Just check out what people post on Facebook and Twitter. They are all over the place looking for meaning from everything from sports, to guys, to the local bar. 

I've learned that you have to be intentional about defining who you are, because if you don't the world is fighting to define you, for you. The world would love to tell you how you should feel about yourself if you aren't in the corner office of a big business, or if you don't wear the not so average size 2 jeans. The world would love to define you by your success and failures, but one thing Joe Riddle said that impacted me was "success and failures will both tell you lies, just different ones." Wow so, so good. If you don't know who you are you may allow the success to inflate your ego or if you fail you may allow the failure to defeat you rather than using it as a reason to move ahead in a new direction. Knowing who you are comes from committing time to yourself to figure it out. Define who you are, and do it on purpose. Who are you, what do you believe, what do you stand for? What is your code of conduct of sorts?

{:Side note for my single ladies: if you don't define who you are before dating someone they will do it for you-not healthy:}

You can define yourself by many things, but nothing will give you more confidence than by building your life on what the Word of God says rather than what the world says. The Word is constant, but the world is always ebb and flowing - don't let your confidence ebb and flow with it.  
Like Yourself

I just had to go there didn't I. Why do we struggle with this so much? We weren't born disliking ourselves. Just hold a child up to a mirror and watch them giggle and smile at seeing their reflection, or hand them a picture of themselves and watch them stare in admiration of how adorable they are. Now, we look in the mirror and make a laundry list of things we don't like about ourselves. When was the last time we looked in the mirror and started listing all the things we have going on? Honestly, I can't remember. 

Don't allow your self worth to be dependent on how many likes you get on Facebook or Instagram, or how many people adore you. The quickest way to be unhappy is to try and please everyone. This one is a toughie for me. By nature I am a people pleaser. I want everyone to not just like me, but love me.  But, they don't; just like you I have people who aren't my biggest fan. Truth is - haters gon hate. We all have them and everyone has an opinion of us. But, just because people have an opinion of us doesn't mean we have to take it on board. We don't have to accept the words they spoke about us, and why should we if they are untrue. You cannot fit into everyones mold of who you should be. The only mold you need to fit is the one God created for you. If people don't like you, stop trying to make them like you. It might not be their season to like you, and maybe, just maybe, God is trying to protect you.

Another little snake that causes us to have a difficult time liking ourselves is comparison. I am bad about this one. I am constantly comparing myself to other people. Not healthy. Confidence never comes through comparison. In fact, I can't think of a single time when comparison brought me any satisfaction.  And the funny thing about comparison is it's often unfair because we compare our worst to someone else's best. We can't compare our weak skill of public speaking to someone who does that for a living! We can't compare our absolute worst day to someone else's best. It's not fair to ourselves.
Be Yourself

The tick to this last one is that you can never be yourself until you know yourself and like yourself. The calling that God placed on your life is for the real you, {:not to mention the grace and favor that goes along with that calling:} not the one you think you should be or want to be. Until we can actually be ourselves our calling is put on hold so that we can be at peace with ourself enough that we can actually get our eyes off ourselves and onto the work He has laid out for us. 

Is being you enough for you? Because you being you is more than enough for God? It's kinda what He called you to be…and I am willing to say it's what you'll be best at.
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  1. So true! You can never be yourself until you know and like yourself - I also think that comes with self-confidence! It takes some longer than others to get to that point :)

    Instagram: megawat

  2. Umm... FANTASTIC post. 100% agreeable. Confidence is so very key. I for one am a believer that relationships won't work unless you learn how to make yourself happy before you make another person happy. :)

  3. this is something that I needed to read. I have a horrible confidence level and it's not determined by my social media.


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