January 18, 2014

Tales of a Kindergarten Teacher

I feel like I haven't written one of these things in forever! I suppose it has only been like three days but it feels like eons. It feels good to get back in front of the computer to do something other than input grades and write report card comments. Report cards are definitely the big thing that took me away from this sweet blog.

But, today I am back with a blog post that will hopefully give you some giggle this Saturday morning. My friend Ashley over at It is What you Make it wrote this post that made me laugh and shake my head in agreement the whole way through. It was all the things "said not teacher ever". It was awesome!

Today I thought I would share some of the many moments that had me laughing, crying, or a little bit of both. I m convinced that teachers should have a reality show. They would get some good stuff. I guarantee it. A ratings hit!

 Like they say, out of the mouth of babes.

My first year of teaching I had the most flirtatious five year old you have ever met. Every morning he would wrap my neck in a hug and then signal with his finger for me to come down lower. I learned after day one not to do that because I got a big lip smacker right on the lips. I always told him we didn't kiss our teachers, but that sneaky devil still got a few in when I wasn't on high alert.

Anyways this little cutie pie was not just flirtatious with me but any cute five year old female too. They were all lining up to leave the classroom and I turned my back to do or get something momentarily. When I turned around he had his hands on either side of the girl's face behind him and was ready to go in for the kill. To my horror I shout out  "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" To which he replied "what Miss Miller? I was just going to sexy kiss her." This is the moment all instincts of "what would a good teacher do" flew out the window. I shrieked as my hands were flying in the air "We don't kiss! And we definitely don't sexy kiss!!!!!!"

Yep, they don't teach you how to deal with this kind of stuff in college.

Then another day I had the epic reality show kind of day. Let me preface this story with the fact that I teach five year olds and the tables and chairs in my classroom are very low and small. Now, back to the story. So it was jeans day and I was sitting at one of the very low tables in the classroom to work with a small group. The table touched the top of my legs when I was seated, so I pulled my legs to the side to cross them. As I crossed them I noticed a very large yellow stain right above my knee. I was looking at it thinking "I wouldn't have put on jeans with that big of a stain on them this morning. How did I get this?" Then I see the stain is a bit...crusty. I slowly place my hand on the table to brace myself to look under it. BOOGERS! It was not just a few boogers. It was a colony that seemed to be reproducing at the speed of rabbits.

The same day, actually only about 5 minutes later, one of my students (her and Dora could be twins) told me she needed to go to the bathroom. I asked the typical teacher question "is it an emergency?" To which she said "I'm going to pee my pants." I told her to go go and before I got the two words out of my mouth she said "I peed my pants." WHAT!? You asked me not even 2 second ago. Okay, so I start to walk over to her at her small group and as I am walking I hear these weird sounds coming from my assistant. It is like she's trying to speak but can't get the words out. Then I look down to realize why. Here I am with my still wet pants from washing boogers off and my cute new toms find themselves in Lake Michigan of PEE! The girl didn't just pee herself she peed a puddle so large that under half of table there was a puddle.

Good times. Good times.

This last one didn't happen to me but a coworker. It's too good not to share.
(Student): "My mommy is sick today."
(Teacher): "Aw, I am sorry to hear that. I hope she feels better."
(Student): "Yea, too much tequila."
(Teacher): Silence

Well, I must admit, my job is never dull. And I have about 20 more stories to go with these. I'll save those for another day. Maybe a Tuesday when we all need a good laugh.

Happy Weekend!
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  1. OHHHH I love this!! One of my little one's started singing "Heyyyy sexy lady" in the lunch line yesterday. haha.

  2. hahahaha I love teaching stories!! Never a dull moment!

  3. HAHA! The kid with the sexy kiss is hilarious. I bet he will be a handful when he is older. I had a student (I teach middle school) that said "Don't be surprised if I appear in your car window!" after following me from our class to my lunch after it last year....Ummm, awkward to say the least!

  4. I love this! I use to teach gymnastics for little kids & they say the best things. I would laugh the whole time.

  5. This is a great post! The things kids say...

  6. Aww... these make me miss teaching! I had a student bring a turtle to school in a shoe box (we had been studying animals/life cycles). The things they don't teach you in college! haha!


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