March 30, 2016

On the Rainy Days {:Character or Charisma:} - The Single Girl Diaries



Over the holidays, while I was back in West Virginia, I had the opportunity to spend a lot of time with my friends. Most of these friends are married and are arriving at restaurants as party of two, three, four, and even six {:talk about being late to the game - this kid {{jokes}}:}

Sometimes we went out, but most of the time we stayed in which meant I got to spend time with them in their homes. I got to see them and their husbands interact in life together - the day-to-day, mundane, nothing-special type of days. The days where weekend plans need to be discussed, bath time and bed time stories are a priority, and discussions of budgeting are the norm.

I sat with one friend and simply observed all of these mundane things happenings. I sat in another friends home as she cradled her newborn baby - who apparently thought sleep was a bad idea. I listened to her talk about navigating and adapting to the change in season and what it brought for her marriage and life in general. Then, my heart broke over the story I heard of another couple, a couple I had met once. They were told they couldn't get pregnant on their own and decided to adopt. After months of being on the waiting list they finally had a baby. They planned for the baby, decorated the nursery, and they even brought the sweet, newborn baby home for 7 days. But then tragedy struck. The birth mother changed her mind and decided she wasn't going to go through with the adoption. She had the legal right to do this, but it left this poor couple broken hearted.  They were left with a nursery and no baby.

As I thought about all three of these girls, I couldn't help but pose the question to myself: What really matters on the rainy days? - Who do I want standing by my side when the kids need a bath, the kitchen is a disaster, and an unexpected bill comes in the mail? Who do I want by my side when I haven't slept for weeks and motherhood isn't all I thought it was cracked up to be? And who do I want by my side when the storms of life rage and the only thing my heart and mouth can utter is "why?"

The only thing I came up with is this...

I want a guy of character and not just charisma.

Charisma is who a person appears to be - to the crowd. Character is who the person actually is - and those closest can testify to it. 

As I thought about all these real life scenarios, I realized that sometimes as girls, caught up in the love affair of love, we trade our desire of a man with character for a man with charisma. 

A charismatic man is one who is the life of the party, everyones favorite, 'the guy' that makes all the ladies swoon with his baby blues and gentlemanly ways. A man with character is the unsung hero - the man that is always there, always committed and faithful with what he has been entrusted, reliable, and integrous. 

Maybe it is just me, but as I think about the storms of life, I don't believe I will give a rip about how much style he has, if he won best looking in high school, or if everyone is drawn to him at a party. What I will care about is his character - Is he committed to Jesus, me, and our children? Does he use wisdom when making decisions? Is he a man of integrity? Can I trust him? Will he speak the truth over my life and our families lives when the truth isn't lining up with our current circumstance?

A man with charisma may make my Instagram feed look good, but a man of character will make my marriage look more than good - it will actually be good - because of who he is.

Charisma may be what attracts us, but a man's character will keep us when the rainy days come.

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