March 2, 2016

Why is it so Damn Hard?

Yes, I am a Christian. And yes, I put damn in the title of this post. Now, let us all collectively pull our religious panties out of a bunch and move on to the ice cream and sprinkles of this message {because meat and potatoes are for the dudes - although, I do love a good steak...but I digress:}

I just got home from a class on marriage and family. This week's topic - dating. I didn't know whether to swing from the rafters in excitement or hide under my chair in awkwardness.

Wait a second? Why does talking about dating make me potentially feel awkward? One of my friends in classed must have shared my emotions on this topic when he asked our instructor, "Why is it so much harder to date in church circles? There is so much pressure."

And all the single ladies catching the bouquet at your Christian girlfriends wedding said a collective and emphatic....AMEN!

He is absolutely right, though. Guys in the world simply ask a girl out on a date - no big deal. In the church world, the poor guys never ask anyone out because the church puts so much pressure on the idea of dating. I mean if they are going to ask that other cute girl out on the worship team they should already be able to see themselves marrying her, right?

Wait, what? Why?

It's like the question of the chicken or the egg. Do you have to be friends first and then date or can you date and then become friends? Who knows, who cares. Christians will never agree on this but I think there is something to be said of the fact that a person is very different in the role of friend than he/she would/will be in the role of girlfriend/boyfriend. So even though you may know them as a friend that only tells you half of the story and how do you ever find out the other side of the story if you never go out?

I think the bigger overarching and foundational motto for dating is to just do it without regret. As you date, remember you are dating someone else's husband. Until, he has your ring on his finger, he is still possibly someone else's husband and you are handling borrowed property -be careful. If you date this way you won't have the awkwardness that can never be bridged as opposed to doing things that leave you both with regret and unable to even meet each others gaze now that things are donezo.

Dear Church,

As a single girl making a request, may I ask you to please stop doing this to the single guys. Finding a good Christian guy is already harder than trying to find a single sparkle in a sand bucket. Let's stop scaring the living daylights out of the guys that they are somehow not in tune with the Holy Spirit if they ask a girl out and things do not go further than the first date, okay?

God is not a God of complications. God is a God over order and clarity and believe it or not...simplicity.

So let me be super simplistic in what I say here...

Guys, step up. Girls, settle down.

Sister Singleness, guys should be man enough to step up and ask you out. But if they do, lets do them a favor and not start practicing our signature with their last name attached to it...or planning our wedding on our secret Pinterest board, okay?

 A date can actually be just that - a date. If it progresses, awesome. If it doesn't, who care you got a free meal {:at least I hope you did:}.  

One more thing sugar dumpling, let us be the ones who stop this culture of making dating impossible in the church. We have grown up in this pressurized, over stimulated church dating culture where we have kissed dating goodbye, said hello again to dating, and have sat in a corner until 'the list' guy comes riding in on his guitar and swoops our Christian heart up - but our kids don't have to!

It is time we take the pressure off...marriage is serious, date 1 does not have to be. Let's not be the people who gossip about the two people we saw together having a coffee after church on only adds to this pressured environment. 

Dating is suppose to be fun. So, open up. Explore possibilities. Have fun. And stop making it so damn difficult! {:I live in Aussie Town now and that's not a bad word here so...'when in Rome':} It's just coffee...not marriage.

 photo signature1copy_zpsad4ddfa4.jpg


  1. YES YES YES!!!! Amen! Preach! And all that other stuff. THANK YOU for putting into words how I've felt for a few years now. This was right on.

    1. Also, sorry for the same comment on your insta...I meant to only post in on there, but I've got "three days until spring break" brain. ;)


Thanks for your comment. I absolutely LOVE reading them and they bring honest joy to my day, so thanks!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...