May 18, 2016

Miss Independent - The Single Girl Diaries



"You're greatest hurdle, when you get married, will be your independence." 

"Come again," I thought as I sat across from a married couple I fiercely admired with my then boyfriend, whom I was fully expecting to marry. 

Wait what? "My independence is a bad thing?"I thought. "I thought a man would want an independent woman, not a needy, clingy woman."

Fast forward a few years to my time here in Australia and one of my trainers {:whom I love dearly:} dropped another independent bomb..."You need to drop a bit of your independence if you ever want to get married." 

I am seeing the pattern here...thanks, God. I got the message. I don't love the message...but I got it.

It turns out Kelly Clarkson lied to me and Ne-Yo's sweet serenade isn't really all that helpful - even if they are both quite fun to sing along to.

So what is the problem with an independent woman? 

On it's own, nothing. In a marriage, everything.

DISCLAIMER: I am not married, obviously, so this is just from a single girl's perspective who is seeking out wisdom from the rockstar married women in her life. 

The fact that I am independent is good in the world's eye, but the problem is I don't care what the world says. I care what God says. And what He says is that we were created for community. {:Remember that whole it's not good for man to be alone bit in Genesis?:} We were not created to live our lives as an island - separated and cut off from other people. We were created to live our lives intertwined with others. 

Jesus describes himself as the vine in John 15 and us as the branches. Have you ever seen the branches on a vine? They are crossing over each other, wrapped around each other, and knotted up with each other. That's what community is - it's lives intertwined and it's messy, but it's certainly not independent.

If that is true with other people around us, then how much more is this true about the person we are to become one with? You cannot live on an island and become one with another. You have to make a choice to throw independence out of the window. You have to choose to need each other, you have to choose to be dependent on each other...it's called vulnerability, and it is not very comfortable. It is, however, necessary.

So why am I talking about marriage in a singleness post? Because why wait until we find our tall drink of Man Mocha before we starting putting into place some of the practices that are necessary in marriage? Why not start now? 

Make a move to become less independent {:no this is not an excuse to stop paying your bills and being a responsible, functioning, and highly classy lady in society:}. Allow yourself to be dependent and vulnerable with the people closest to you in your world. 

First, realize how much you need them - emotionally, spiritually, an physically. Then, tell them! Let them into your world. Refuse to be the Miss Independent in the songs that we love to serenade our steering wheel to. There is a reason she is still independent and probably single, and in Jesus name that is not your portion.

Who is up for getting their dependency on? Put on some red lipstick while you do it....it usually makes it easier.
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