November 8, 2016

And Sometimes, You Need to Eat the Chocolate - The Single Girl Diaries

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A few years ago, in October of 2009 I decided I was going to give up chocolate. This was a massive deal for the girl who ate chocolate after every meal! I was an undiagnosed, non-meeting-attending choc-aholic. 

At the age of 22, I decided that I was going to give up chocolate in order to pray for my husband. 

This all sounds very spiritual and oh so "good Christian girl" of me. Except for the fact that it started a series of events in my life, that until late, I didn't realize was unhealthy. In theory this was a great idea - - as many of my ideas always are - - but it had a repercussion. 

I believe in the power of prayer and fasting. I believe what it says in John 9:29 {:this kind can only come out through prayer and fasting:}. I believe that there are times when the discipline of fasting unleashes things in the heavenlies when prayer alone will not. 

This is how this started off. But somewhere along the line it became less about a pure act of fasting and praying and more about pressing the pause button on my life until Mr. Put-A-Ring-On-It shows up.

To an outsider, the only thing I had given up was chocolate. And to most PMSing girls this is an act of sainthood. Unfortunately, it began a chain of events that caused me to put my life on hold until I dawned the white gown and sported a sparkly thing on my left ring finger. 

I realized that while I up and left my world in West Virginia to come to Australia and pursue the call of God on my life, it never crossed my mind that I would have to think about what came after Bible College. Why? Because I was going to be engaged or married and submitting to my man's decisions. 

There's also the Bible that sits on my nightstand {:well, did, until this revelation:}. It was a Bible I had been given as a gift from Colour Conference back in 2015. It was a man's Bible. I decided I was going to put it on my nightstand and pray over it each time I looked at it for my husband. Again, good thought but the problem is...What if God asked me to give it to someone else? Would I obey? Well, honestly, probably not. I was holding out again.

It started with chocolate, but unconsciously, it ended with a life of holding out on God to make sure that His plans for me were in line with his {:Mr. Hunka Hunka Manhood:} plans for us.

So on Friday, after this massive revelation I typed this into my phone...

"Today is a stake in the ground. If I am going to be 30 and single; I am going to do it well. No more putting my life on hold for a husband. No more living on an 'island' because I refuse to let anyone see how hard it can be for me to be single sometimes. The Church needs leaders in every sphere - and at least for right now, this is my sphere. So I will eat the chocolate. I will publish the book. And I will choose my own adventure. Without a man's hand to hold, but as a woman of God, on a God mission, holding hands with the Lover of My Soul. I'll be honest about the struggles, but I will not be the needy 'single woman'. I give myself permission to be a strong woman. Today, I eat the chocolate."

and ate this...

If you're going to go...I say go all in - - and the best part is, they were healthy...ish.

And now I am no longer fasting chocolate....I feel like fasting sex until mariage is enough. {:Did I just say type that??:}

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